opinion

How emotional intelligence shows up

How many times have you watched while a colleague – or a boss – loses their cool? Somehow emotions well up, uncontrolled, and take control of the situation while rationality and calmness get sidelined. How often have you been in conversation or negotiation with someone who sticks doggedly to their own script without engaging with your – or others’ – viewpoints?

What happens to your engagement when your colleague or boss allows you space to be heard and who engages with your experience?

This is all about emotional intelligence.

Fallout from lack of emotional intelligence

With teams and colleagues that the leader depends on to deliver the results they need or aspire to, the fallout from a lack of emotional intelligence shows up in a variety of forms: lack of engagement or motivation, poor retention rates, poor teamworking with lack of alignment to the target or purpose, or even resistance.

Choosing your response

Correspondingly, the leader who has a level of self-awareness that allows them the insights they need in order to manage their own behaviour will also be giving themselves choices about how they behave: their emotions won’t be in charge – and their rationality will. In situations of stress and pressure the leader will choose their responses – whether it’s to look for the learning, to stand in the shoes of those who are also impacted or to actively seek perspectives other than their own.

Humility and vulnerability are key here: both have become recognised in recent years as components of compelling leadership.

The self-managing leader

The leader who has made themselves vulnerable enough – even to themselves – to become more aware of their patterns and responses, to understand what drives them and what holds them back, to see clearly the beliefs and the attitudes that underpin their behaviours and to be courageous enough to face the fact of their impact on others: this is the leader who can self-manage. They’re aware of their emotions and they can effectively convert those emotions into how they communicate, make decisions, inspire and engage their people.

Stepping back emotionally

The days of heroic leadership are gone. The model of the all-powerful, autocratic leader who acts alone has been discredited. And the leader who builds on, and develops, their emotional self-awareness in such a way that they can step back emotionally from situations to put their own thinking on hold, and empathise with the players in those situations will find that they are more connected with their people, and that higher levels of trust, performance, engagement and discretionary effort – rather than simple obedience or compliance (and the corresponding ‘jobsworth’ mentality) – are the order of the day.

Empathy and the exceptional leader

The capacity for empathy is often what distinguishes exceptional leaders. The Centre for Creative Leadership, in its 2007 study ‘Empathy in the Workplace’ analysed data from 6,731 managers from 38 countries. They discovered that managers who show more empathy toward direct reports are viewed as better performers in their jobs by their bosses, particularly in cultures where the belief is that power should be concentrated at higher levels. Such cultures include nations such as China, Malaysia and Poland, and I see them alive and well in some organisations where I coach in the UK.

While the task of making the numbers is important, a more empathic style of leadership is a powerful – and more intelligent – route to get there, and stay there.

Emotional intelligence can be learnt

Of all the intelligences, emotional intelligence is one that can be learnt. Leaders can learn to listen – to really hear what’s being said without thinking about what they’re going to say next or jump to ‘the answer’ themselves – to regularly put themselves in others’ shoes in order to view things from new perspectives, to become more compassionate.

A Harvard Business Review blog tells us that three notable behaviour sets are connected with empathic listening:

1) Recognising all verbal and nonverbal cues, including tone, facial expressions, and other body language. Sensitive leaders pay attention to what others are not saying and probe a bit deeper to get to the real message.

2) Processing, which involves understanding the meaning of the messages, keeping track of the points of the conversation, and articulating those points.

3) Responding, which involves assuring others that listening has occurred and encouraging communication to continue.

Leadership outcomes from emotional intelligence

Empathy is a key factor in transformational leadership – leadership which enables a shift in performance and effectiveness.

A client of mine who had built his emotional intelligence remarked at the end of his coaching programme: ‘I’ve become more communicative: I can guide my reports rather than do the job for them. The team’s working efficiently and at a high level. I’m listening more and I’m less excitable: I’m calmer and more measured. Team members are stepping up to take responsibility: they feel more capable and confident to integrate with me. The one big thing that has changed is my presence and leadership, which gives people confidence and encouragement.’

QED.

Photo by Len Matthews via Compfight

Managing yourself to lead others

The leader who builds on, and develops, their self-awareness in such a way that they can step back emotionally from situations to put their own thinking on hold, and empathise with the players in those situations, will find that they are more connected with their people, and that higher levels of trust, performance, engagement and discretionary effort – rather than obedience or compliance (and the corresponding ‘jobsworth’ mentality) – are the order of the day.

Diversity: making more of difference

In order to work effectively with difference, the first two steps for the leader are, first, to understand and be aware of their own thinking, emotional processes and place in their systems, and, second, to adopt a stance of acceptance, humility and celebration of diversity. If the prevailing culture in their team, division or organisation doesn’t acknowledge or value diversity, then the leader needs to change their relationship to that culture (and the relationships within it) rather than try to change it from the outside.

Leadership development

Leadership development means embracing the challenges and being courageous enough to be open to learning, whether that learning is unpalatable or affirming. It means being curious, vulnerable and invested in understanding the systemic factors that shape beliefs, behaviours and relationships. It means learning that can’t simply be learnt from a textbook. It means the leader raising their self-awareness to gain insight into their drivers, strengths, and purpose – and into what inhibits them from achieving the outcomes they really want.

The global village

In contexts ranging from multinational corporations to social networking, leaders and their teams interact, communicate and influence others in multiple different cultural settings simultaneously. Culture encompasses literally anything which characterises a particular group, and the leader’s task is to release his or her workforce’s capability in this complex and dynamic environment.

We're all part of the systems

Although we’re all independent human beings, we’re also interdependent, functioning within several systems simultaneously that provide the framework for our relationships to people and organisations, decisions and achievements, beliefs and attitudes. Awareness of those systems and their impact can release blockages in teams, strategy and the implementation of change.

Executive coaching for leadership and self-leadership

Amongst all learning interventions, the developmental and transformational style of the best executive coaching can equip the leader to deliver leadership that creates a better organisation – and, some would say, a better world - sustainably, with integrity and with authenticity.

Lessons from neuroscience for learning and performance

Leaders who know how to optimise the conditions for their own and their people’s learning are going to maximise their chances of success for themselves and their organisations. Senior people – indeed anyone thinking about their career development – who build in the search for working environments and a career path that will maximise their learning opportunities is likely to also maximise their chances of fulfilment and therefore success. And those working across cultures or in multicultural environments who know how to maximise harmony, minimise conflict, bring a curiosity for learning and an attitude of acceptance are also going to be those most likely to develop aligned, creative, productive teams and minimise wasted effort.

Career strategy: purpose and meaning, values and strengths

New Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has pinpointed meaning at work as a fundamental goal because that’s ‘what makes the best work happen’. In my career development coaching with executives and senior managers, questions of meaning and purpose, values and beliefs, drivers and obstacles, emotional awareness and a capacity to situate yourself in your systems, are core to career focus or refocus.

The multi-generational workforce - and diversity of pace

In most organisations baby-boomers (and older) work alongside Generations X and Y. Their attitudes to pace can divide them: Xers and Yers often resist the idea of slowing down long enough to reflect while the baby boomers are more inclined to reflect. The generations are most effective when they’re aware of and respect others’ assumptions and world views - and coaches are most effective when they can enter the client’s world.

Teams, listening and connection

Leaders are sometimes solitary and lonely figures, disconnected from their team . Leaders who who listen to their teams see in return greater engagement, better retention rates and bigger, more long-lasting results.

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